FINDING MY MOJO
I haven’t written in a while. In a long while. It’s not as though I have nothing to write about. I do. I have two wonderful interviews with artists waiting for me to do something with them. My life has seen a lot of change. I’ve performed at some wonderful venues and some not so wonderful venues. I’ve had wins and survived failures. I’ve seen some great concerts and movies. I have a new songwriting partner. But did I write about any of it? No! And I love to write. So what happened? Why did I stop?
Would you like the honest answer and not the “I’m in control of my life and have it all going on!”, answer? Here it is...
I lost my mojo.
For the longest time, I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go with my life. My path had curves, but nothing I couldn’t handle. And then - I had a mini heart attack. Boom! Soon after I capsized my Kayak in the ocean. I swam in the frigid water for 30 minutes or so. Never realizing how serious the situation was. Those two events threw me for a loop. Suddenly, getting another gig didn’t feel so important. Instead, I felt timid. Afraid to move. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. Life can change in an instant. I saw the frailty of it all, and it scared me.
They say your priorities come into line in situations like this – but that wasn’t the case with me. I felt confused. Lost. Without my mojo. And that feeling has lasted a long time.
So I was quiet. I set the interviews aside. I dropped my ‘marketing plan’. I stopped tweeting and posting on Facebook. Instagram survived without pictures of my food. I just stopped. What was it all for anyway?
The past few months have been a time of soul searching. It’s given me a chance to re-think my life. What is it about? What do I want to do? I should rephrase that. What am I born to do? Because I do believe we all have a job to do and I know for a fact that I have not done mine. But what is it? Is it singing in some restaurant? No. I can tell you it isn’t that. There is more. Much more and I’m searching for the answer.
For a while now I’ve been considering channelling my energy into speaking. Public speaking. As each week goes by the pull becomes stronger. If you go through my blog posts you’ll notice I seldom write about music. I write about life and life lessons. It’s what I do naturally. If you’ve been to one of my concerts – the sit-down kind – you’ll know I’m the same way on stage. I tell stories. I try to inspire and uplift through word and my music. And I’m good at it.
There is a piece of me that says “You’re too old to be starting something new.” And then I remember the verse from Divalicious –
“I’m kicking down the fences trying to pen me in. Knowing my worth despite the decade I’m in. You can call me crazy. Call me over-ambitious. I don’t fit in your mould. I’m Divalicious!”
Then my old friend fear whispers in my ear, “Who’s gonna listen to you? You’re no guru. It’s all been said before anyway.” The faint voice of my late sister whispers in my other ear, “Don’t let fear stop you from doing something you really want to do sis.”
So I reflect on the stories and lessons I’ve learned throughout this life of mine. The life ‘fraught with drama’ (you have to say that in a posh English accent to get the full effect). And I realize I’ve gained much insight. I have a compelling story to tell and something to give back. It may have all been said before. But it hasn’t been said by me. Certainly not in my Divalicious way.
It’s not that I want to give up singing. Far from it. I’m writing new music. I have a great new writing partner. I can’t wait to share our new tunes with you. I hope to record soon and do more concerts. But I’ve lost the hustle aspect. I’m not going to sing for the sake of singing anymore. I want to do what I do. Put on quality concerts. Tell my story. Sing from my heart. That’s me and it’s not going to change.
But I also don’t want another woman to go through what I went through. I want women to understand their own power and inner badass. I want every woman to go beyond what society expects and live their version of a Divalicious Life. I want women to get past their past and not merely survive but thrive. I want women of any age who think their time is past to understand that “Unless they’re boots up, it ain’t over!”. I want every woman to see their true potential and know they have a purpose in this life. That they are the Queen of their domain. That Royal blood runs through their veins.
It’s time for us to Reclaim our Throne and become the women we were born to be. Are you with me?