How to Go from Victim to Victor in a Shake

Taylor Swift talked about it in her song Shake it off. The Bible mentions it four times. It’s been used as a threat, like receiving a kiss from the Godfather. It can be likened to washing your hands of something. But I choose to think of it as getting on with your life. 

Grumpy Spouses are the best...

Yesterday my husband came home. Grumpy. Grumpier than usual. I’m talking grump-y. I know better than to ask “What’s the matter?” when someone is like that, but just because I know better doesn’t mean I follow my own advice. I asked and … it didn’t help the situation. After a while, I approached the subject again and asked what had happened. He spilled the beans. When he got to work that morning at 5:30 am, the person in the prior shift didn’t do most of their duties. They left it all for my husband to do and he was not amused. That's understandable. It happens a lot and it needs to brought into the open. My husband had had enough. He was angry. 

I get it. I’d be pissed off too. But here’s the thing. That guy's actions ruined my husband's entire day! He came home grumpy. And it took a long time for him to calm himself down. Well into the evening. It happened at 5:30 am. We’ve all been there. Arguing with someone in our heads. Not being present. Not seeing the good in front of us because our mind has taken over and we can’t get past what someone else has done to us. I can’t help but ask – “Does the guy who didn’t do his job deserve this much of your brain space? This much of your time and energy? Does he/she have that much power to ruin an entire day? And rob you of your peace and joy?” 

Moving Past #METOO

For a long time – and I mean a long time - I allowed what people had done to me affect me. Now, granted, people have done some awful things to me. Things that need therapy. A lot of therapy, personal work and development to get over it. But there was a moment when I realized that I needed to get past the #METOO part of my life. Every moment of my life I spent talking about how that person had wronged me was giving them more power over me. My life. Robbing me again of my own moments. Growth. Living. Life. Joy. Peace. My Divalicious Life that was waiting for me. Now, don’t get me wrong – I am not dissing the #METOO movement. Not one iota. It is important that we talk about this subject. Bring it out in the open. It is the silence that keeps it alive and flourishing in the darkness. I talk about it in my shows. I write about it in my blogs. It is part of my calling. But, there is also a time when we must get past being a victim. They took away our past. Are we going to allow them take our present and futures too? Think about that. Is that what you want? I hope not! You don’t deserve that. Neither do I. 

My Oprah AHA Moment

It was a revelation to me when I realized that I was letting the people who had hurt me in the past win by not living my life. By living and reliving those moments over and over again. By mourning my lost childhood. By wishing my life had been different. By not feeling heard. I was robbing myself of my peace, joy and I was choosing to not live the life I was born to live. Then, one magical day I decided to take back my power. They aren’t off the hook by any means. But I’ll be damned if they’re going to take another minute of my life. I chose to Shake the Dust off my feet. It was a conscious decision. And if I can do it. You can too. 

When you decide to change your thought patterns and re-frame things – life gets better. We always have a choice and although it is difficult to control our thoughts. It is possible to retrain our brain. It’s a habit. No more than that. And it can be as simple as replacing our thoughts with new ones. 

My suggestion is if there is something big you need to get over – like abuse, divorce, loss etc. Find a saying. Something that speaks to you. For me, it was “You didn’t break me. I didn’t let you win.” I would list off the wonderful things in my life. I would choose to think about what was good. I took steps to follow my dreams. Small steps. And in doing so, I reclaimed my life. 

In discovering this, I’ve realized how we can adapt it into everyday life. I used to draw drama to my life. It followed me like a Shakespeare tragedy. One thing after another. I decided one day that I was done with it. I would save the drama for the stage and not my life. What a huge impact that decision has made. I used to look for it. Look for it in what others might be saying about me. In comparing my life to others. Allowing the actions of others to dictate the way my day(s) would be. Do you see the common thread there? "Others". You've heard the saying "Not my circus. Not my monkeys." That's a good motto. Talk about freedom. I’m not perfect. It’s an ongoing process. But when I saw what my husband was going through yesterday, I realized how long it had been since I had felt that way. I knew I had progressed. 

It's not what you eat, but what's eating you

What eats at you? Do you let the person cutting you off in traffic ruin your morning? Do little things send you into a rage? Did someone's actions ruin your life? Did you lose someone and you can’t get over it? Did you lose your job? Is your boss a jerk? Are you in financial trouble? Were you betrayed by someone you love? Whatever it is … are your thoughts serving you? When you dwell on it. Think about it. Percolate it. Does it do you or the situation any good? Do you feel better? Does it rob you of sleep? Laughter? Joy? 

How about you Shake the Dust. Replace the thought with something positive. Write a list of what is good in your life. Do something nice for you. Take steps to get better and if need be fix the situation. Do you need therapy? Get it. Is your partner abusive? Get out. Feeling suicidal? Call someone. The point is to take a step forward. And another one. And then another one. It isn’t a magic pill. It takes work. Change doesn’t happen overnight. But it can happen. And then one day you’re not a victim anymore but a victor. You thrive. You have your power back. Drama doesn’t follow you. You’re on your way to your Divalicious Life. 

My Gift to You

I wish you that. More than anything I wish you that. Our lives are short. Why let other people and circumstances dictate how we live it? We deserve to live our Divalicious Life. So go get it. 

I would love to give you the song I wrote that helped me through a tough time. And is the inspiration for this blog. I would sing the chorus daily and would feel better. It may work for you. Click here and I’ll give you a free download of Shake the Dust so you can play it whenever you want.